here, as it all unwinds:
walking these solid canyon streets of brick and stone where fallen petals blow
with trash and viscous limbs of trees stretching and swaying above broken concrete
in what direction should I go? jobless, aimless, restless and remiss
to get back on track with a life I don't miss
my mission forsaken
my soul overtaken by gilded dreams that once raised my head to heaven
and my body to labor
to toil
a slave to an empire floating on oil
break it all down, each brick and carrot on a stick
see past this trebuchet of tricks
beyond this civilized glitz and ignorant bliss
the earth, the land I love and miss
eaten, beaten and raped
by a mongrel species of malevolent ape
here I draw a line, between me and the street
from this moment on I will no longer walk that way
day by day remove from me
these customs of control, glutton and greed
walk away from the towers
to the end of all streets
onto the land that lives beneath
stars that guide the aboriginal mind
into a rhythm in tune with all life
rejoin the tribe
unite
here is what i understand:
that man does not hold the power in hand
to live free of the world upon which he stands
nor the power to hold, to push and to pull
the delicate and diverse parts of a whole
into a separate order to serve his own
man must dance for rain
live at the mercy of the clouds
be ally with the ants
flow with the order of the earth
and the arch of the sun
live simply
take only what is given
and give back to thank
keep the balance
listen to the waves
live with with Life
and if not, Life will remind him
Life will revolt
by sea and storm
fire and plague
triumph over science
and trivialize his technological tricks
show him he is powerless
ignorant and insignificant
to the great order
the protector of Life
Life itself is a thing alive
intent to preserve living
modern man has become a cancer to Life
a mutation that has turned against the body
here is what I know:
repent and find balance or perish
here i stand
my back to the street
against the city
ready to leap
4.29.2009
4.27.2009
3.10.2009
a train wreck a day keeps the kids at play
each day feels like a train wreck
sometimes it's exciting
because it was a train full of bankers, automobiles, and corporate retailers
sometimes it hurts
because it was the train you were riding
and I wake up the next day
sore or sober to another derailment
whistles blowing
sirens screaming
metal and men strewn about
in crispy spring sunlight
DEPARTURES/ARRIVALS
how can anyone doubt that the entire fabric of this civilization is falling apart
yes, a reason to rejoice
but as anyone who's ever experienced a bad automobile accident knows
you don't pick yourself up from the wreckage, knock the dust off your shoulder
and go on with your daily life
there is shock
and trauma
that hangs
on you
ALL ABOARD
Why are we not angry? I feel like I should be gravely disappointed in the generations that preceded me - at my parents, the boomers - the generation of greed - whose manic desire for luxury and excess has at last ruined the world. They're the ones who built the sprawling suburbs of cheap and uniform model homes, spent their weekends motoring around to flex their several credit cards in shopping malls and their nights on the sofa flipping station to station while shoveling their mouths full of fast and easy factory food. Thank you, mom and dad, for making the world I've grown up in a total shit show train wreck. I really wish you knew better. And if you did, I really wish you had tried harder to change things. But now I just watch you decay in your McMansions with the pitiful and wasteful world you built around you...
...which gives me even more of a reason to ensure that things change or the world I pass to the next generation will be even worse and they'll wonder the same thing: why didn't they do anything to stop this? how could you leave me with this wasteland!?
FULL SPEED AHEAD
I read a few articles in the New York Times tonight. Some worthy quotes from an article on the death of conspicuous consumption:
Maxine Frankel, 59, a high school teacher from Skokie, Ill., said, “I think this economy was a good way to cure my compulsive shopping habit. It’s kind of funny, but I feel much more satisfied with the things money can’t buy, like the well-being of my family. I’m just not seeking happiness from material things anymore.”
“It’s kind of like we all went overboard,” said Ms. Taylor, 33. “And we’re trying to get back to where we should have been.”
“Though the recession was always talked about in economic terms, we felt really strongly that, in fact, it was a crisis of culture,” said Tracy Johnson.
Ms. Johnson has advised clients to focus on quality rather than quantity. Malls redecorated in screaming red “sale” signs are not the way to go, she said, because “if you just give people the opportunity to buy more, you’re not matching up to where their minds are.”
Carol Morgan, who teaches law at the University of Georgia and whose husband has a private law practice, said she felt a responsibility to cut needless spending. “That is probably something that is a prudent thing to do in any event, but particularly now I see it as the right thing, as the moral thing to do,” she said.
“It’s disrespectful to the people who don’t have much to flaunt your wealth,” said Monica Dioda Hagedorn, 40, a lawyer in Atlanta. “Everyone’s going to pull through together, or everyone’s going to sink together.”
Sounds like some of the boomers finally get it... finally...
And a few more from another article by the Times' boomer voice of reason, Thomas Friedman:
We can’t do this anymore. “We created a way of raising standards of living that we can’t possibly pass on to our children.”
“You can get this burst of wealth that we have created from this rapacious behavior,” added Romm. “But it has to collapse, unless adults stand up and say, ‘This is a Ponzi scheme. We have not generated real wealth, and we are destroying a livable climate ...’ Real wealth is something you can pass on in a way that others can enjoy.”
“When we look back, 2008 will be a momentous year in human history. Our children and grandchildren will ask us, ‘What was it like? What were you doing when it started to fall apart? What did you think? What did you do?’ ”
MAYDAY MAYDAY
what world will we wake up to tomorrow? there are still so many trains hurtling forward on paths of destructive progress, each one a whistle blow away from becoming wreckage and without brakes, because they were never installed.
I'm already sick of weathering this shit storm and it's only just begun. But the reaping of the rotting fields, vast and superfluous as they are, must continue. We must let it all fall apart and die, even as it disrupts our lives in the present and as things proceed to get worse – because they most certainly will. Hell, we should even do our best to make sure they fall apart, die, and don't come back. Where's the exterminators when you need 'em?
Before I shut my eyes for the night only to wake up to more chaos tomorrow, I can only hope that I live through this great collapse to see better days and that the life I have lived was for the lives of those yet to come – that they may live in a better world than the one I was given by my recent ancestors.
2.23.2009
bright
awoken by bright sunlight
blinds i refuse to close
like a bedroom door
so that some sun may find me
dreaming heavy and blind in the
bright morning light
not as cold as I expected
walking to the bus stop
despite arctic winds
chill to bare skin
everything illuminated
in such sharp contrast
cracks in concrete
crossed shadows of bare trees
a stranger to this world
of brick and bleach
brighter
even the lines on people's faces
as they held seat and stance
seemed overexposed
to my naked eyes' glance
all the lines of wakeful life
washed away in morning sunlight
dark as the night
is a vast sea of white
no beacon
no moon
to capture my sight
unprotected open blinds
huddled between windows
of naked open eyes
wake me in time
my dear sun
wake me to see
it all wash away
in bright sublime sea
blinds i refuse to close
like a bedroom door
so that some sun may find me
dreaming heavy and blind in the
bright morning light
not as cold as I expected
walking to the bus stop
despite arctic winds
chill to bare skin
everything illuminated
in such sharp contrast
cracks in concrete
crossed shadows of bare trees
a stranger to this world
of brick and bleach
brighter
even the lines on people's faces
as they held seat and stance
seemed overexposed
to my naked eyes' glance
all the lines of wakeful life
washed away in morning sunlight
dark as the night
is a vast sea of white
no beacon
no moon
to capture my sight
unprotected open blinds
huddled between windows
of naked open eyes
wake me in time
my dear sun
wake me to see
it all wash away
in bright sublime sea
2.14.2009
this is now
this is me ^
now: 4:48AM Saturday
sick and unable to sleep because of the medication I'm taking.
I feel like I haven't been this sick from a cold since I was a kid.
I work with kids everyday. now I'm sick like one.
my hair looks so wild in that photo... and I'm afraid to lose it, to go bald and patchy
but it's destined to happen. it's in my genes... and it's already starting.
Physically, I'm not growing up anymore. Now it's time to be an adult homo sapien.
Perhaps I'm at that age when most people start to grasp desperately at their youth
trying to maintain the appearance, hold on to that feeling before they start to grow old.
I think of my parents and how at my age they were already married and starting a family;
careers and a house; dogs. Yet in some ways I still feel young. Not ready for marriage or a mortgage now.
I'm considering going back to school in a very serious way. I want to start non-profit organizations and sustainable businesses. I don't have the skills to do that right now.
I need training. Need to go to school to learn how. So I can do what what I really want
to do with my time. Right now, I just feel like I've hit a ceiling in the non-profit world
and I'm not going to get any farther than this unless I learn more.
oh wow, this reads so bland.... but.... this is now.
1.23.2009
watch and listen
"i don't mean
to seem like i care about material things
like my social status
i just want
four walls and adobe slabs for my girls"
1.21.2009
hinged
I've completed a full orbit around the sun as a new yorker
and I'm not sure what qualifies one as becoming a "new yorker"
but something in the way that I now feel about myself and the world
is hinged to this city and its ways
has shaped me
has become me
I like it here, despite all the vehement nastiness I've blogged about for the past year. new york city is home. i think i've come to accept it for what it is, all the good and bad all in one.
even winter doesn't feel quite as cold
hinged. as i contemplate moving away from this place, moving to south america or spain to live and work on organic farms, learn the ways of plants and soil. can i leave this hard place i've softened into? or should i stick around, venture further into this abyss and become a multi-solar new yorker?
hinge: a central point or principle on which everything depends....
the fragments of ice were oddly floating up the hudson
retreating north away from the city and the sea
scraping against one another
a thousand car wrecks
a conversation about the weather
beneath subdued golden glow
by frozen mountains' shadow sown
break and scrape
in unison flow
12.14.2008
civil discontent
rolling over from my last entry:
my pissy attitude about civilization AND an unapologetic assault on the suit / costume
two steps back and a few days later I still feel the same disquietude towards civilization – a manic skepticism I feel I've possessed all my life. And as I engaged this civil discontent with a self reflective skepticism (as in, what's at the root of my feeling this way) I came to a number of interesting speculations:
1. western civilization is old, played out, boring - like being stuck playing the milton bradley board game Monopoly all your life. I just can't bring myself to play another round no matter how many times they re-design the board and game pieces. Now it's "green" monopoloy....
2. my personality / being / whatever you want to call it - isn't the type that takes well to highly ordered and mechanized structure. By this I mean civilization is a structure. It's organized by rules and blunt geometry (mostly rectangles). There are signs that tell you what to do and where to go. Basically, the whole thing is a constructed environment, both physical and mental, that gives direction and creates order. I have direction and order of my own. I don't need or like, for that matter, being told what to do and how to do it. I rarely read instructions or follow directions. I intuit processes and paths, mechanics, etc. I make my own way.
To look at it simply, I'm not a follower. If you think of it from a biological perspective, social colonial species (living in colonies) usually have some sort of social order amongst the members of their community. Some, termed alphas, are the ones the others follow. I don't know enough about why this happens, why some are biologically/genetically alpha and others are not – especially in the more complex social order of the human species. But biologically, genetically, I'm not a follower. I also don't feel like I'm an alpha either though. I don't want to lead people, eventhough I suppose I do take that innitiative in certain situations.
Hmmm... I'll play this out in a scenario: if I was with a group of people lost in the wilderness I would likely end up one of the people leading the way. Yet, I have the tendency to not care much for those who can't keep up and am likely to leave them behind. So, if there's another leader in the group, I'm content to let that person lead and look after everyone else while I go out and do my own thing, explore the terrain and places others could not go, scout obstacles and alternative routes, then rejoin the group and share my findings or just socialize, lend a hand, maybe lead for a little bit. I'm pretty much all over the place, can't keep one role.
Put me in civilization, a highly structured society where things are ordered and set - established - and I get bored. That's knowing myself and why I, personally, am discontent with civilization.
As for Costume and Suits – I have to admit that I, just like anyone else in society, wear costume and partake in civil performance. Only, like my own being, my costume isn't from a set of established styles. It doesn't follow order or rules so much. It's a reflection, or projection, of who I am. Likewise, suits or store-bought looks are merely projections of being or role – though I might argue that the suit is strict uniform, moulded with an image of authority, like a police uniform, which easily identifies the wearer as part of a particualr group with established roles in society. Perhaps that's why I dispise the suit, or any uniform, for the mere fact that it just doesn't fit me. I can't conform who I am to an established role. I think some people wear suits and uniforms and it gives them a sense of being, a sense of direction: "this is who I am"..."because I wear this suit I must act like a person is supposed to act who wears it" – most likely because they need to be directed. Without it they don't know their role. they don't know what to do. Costume, then, gives some people a role to play, an established and ordered directive.
Stepping back and looking at all of this, I guess I understand civilization more – and perhaps people less. I have no idea what it's like to be a follower and therefore cannot sympathize nor understand their plight. Maybe civilization is their saving grace. What would these people do without it? without their uniforms and established roles? How would they know what to do, where to go, how to behave? And now, as the established structure begins to crumble, I guess we'll see...
my pissy attitude about civilization AND an unapologetic assault on the suit / costume
two steps back and a few days later I still feel the same disquietude towards civilization – a manic skepticism I feel I've possessed all my life. And as I engaged this civil discontent with a self reflective skepticism (as in, what's at the root of my feeling this way) I came to a number of interesting speculations:
1. western civilization is old, played out, boring - like being stuck playing the milton bradley board game Monopoly all your life. I just can't bring myself to play another round no matter how many times they re-design the board and game pieces. Now it's "green" monopoloy....
2. my personality / being / whatever you want to call it - isn't the type that takes well to highly ordered and mechanized structure. By this I mean civilization is a structure. It's organized by rules and blunt geometry (mostly rectangles). There are signs that tell you what to do and where to go. Basically, the whole thing is a constructed environment, both physical and mental, that gives direction and creates order. I have direction and order of my own. I don't need or like, for that matter, being told what to do and how to do it. I rarely read instructions or follow directions. I intuit processes and paths, mechanics, etc. I make my own way.
To look at it simply, I'm not a follower. If you think of it from a biological perspective, social colonial species (living in colonies) usually have some sort of social order amongst the members of their community. Some, termed alphas, are the ones the others follow. I don't know enough about why this happens, why some are biologically/genetically alpha and others are not – especially in the more complex social order of the human species. But biologically, genetically, I'm not a follower. I also don't feel like I'm an alpha either though. I don't want to lead people, eventhough I suppose I do take that innitiative in certain situations.
Hmmm... I'll play this out in a scenario: if I was with a group of people lost in the wilderness I would likely end up one of the people leading the way. Yet, I have the tendency to not care much for those who can't keep up and am likely to leave them behind. So, if there's another leader in the group, I'm content to let that person lead and look after everyone else while I go out and do my own thing, explore the terrain and places others could not go, scout obstacles and alternative routes, then rejoin the group and share my findings or just socialize, lend a hand, maybe lead for a little bit. I'm pretty much all over the place, can't keep one role.
Put me in civilization, a highly structured society where things are ordered and set - established - and I get bored. That's knowing myself and why I, personally, am discontent with civilization.
As for Costume and Suits – I have to admit that I, just like anyone else in society, wear costume and partake in civil performance. Only, like my own being, my costume isn't from a set of established styles. It doesn't follow order or rules so much. It's a reflection, or projection, of who I am. Likewise, suits or store-bought looks are merely projections of being or role – though I might argue that the suit is strict uniform, moulded with an image of authority, like a police uniform, which easily identifies the wearer as part of a particualr group with established roles in society. Perhaps that's why I dispise the suit, or any uniform, for the mere fact that it just doesn't fit me. I can't conform who I am to an established role. I think some people wear suits and uniforms and it gives them a sense of being, a sense of direction: "this is who I am"..."because I wear this suit I must act like a person is supposed to act who wears it" – most likely because they need to be directed. Without it they don't know their role. they don't know what to do. Costume, then, gives some people a role to play, an established and ordered directive.
Stepping back and looking at all of this, I guess I understand civilization more – and perhaps people less. I have no idea what it's like to be a follower and therefore cannot sympathize nor understand their plight. Maybe civilization is their saving grace. What would these people do without it? without their uniforms and established roles? How would they know what to do, where to go, how to behave? And now, as the established structure begins to crumble, I guess we'll see...
12.08.2008
to complicate
because perhaps my life is too easy and I get bored...
so why not make it more complicated, eh?
I wonder, just now as I type, am I unappreciative of all that I have?
...probably.
yet I must complicate this already sophistic state I find myself in – this skin!
Am I stricken with manic ennui? Who am I even asking? Why do I type thoughts into questions as if someone were there to answer? Mad skin and bones.
I am aloof, or I act aloof (because it is just acting, I suppose) – to this whole haul of civilization. I care not a thing for it. It's boring and played out. Really, I'm so over it. Like suits.... what the fuck? suits? And there exists a whole sub-culture of people who buy them and wear them and perhaps even believe in them and whatever they represent. An example: An unemployed friend of mine was recently lectured by a middle-aged woman (relative) about the absolute necessity of wearing a suit to an interview, declaring dogmatically with such fervent conviction that no one gets a job in New York without a suit.
I got a job in New York without wearing a suit. Fuck the suit. Who really cares anyway except for people who wear suits.... fucking suits....
Another thing I must rant about: shopping. Gawd! shopping! Can we just stop buying shit already? There is so much shit in the world right now and people still want more. I just don't get it. Or perhaps it's the shoppers who just don't get that they've been duped by madison avenue's scheming tactics of the advertising industry – hired by, you guessed it, mega corporations owned by the mega rich – to convince people they need to buy their crap that's made in 3rd world countries by impoverished peoples. Why? Why do people need watches and handbags – who ever came up with that shit? And that's just a slice of the whole damn big picture of civilization that I'm so so so ready to be over with.
Hair product.... people who style their hair with product: a sure sign they care about the materiality of this culture – the plasticity of this tyrannous absurdity that BILLIONS believe in!
Living in New York City I can always point out the more civilized with ease – they're just so much more put together in a way that really sets them apart. stylized. they look like well dressed mannequins. store bought styles with couture profiles. OR. almost a costume, as if they're going for some vintage look worn by mannequins decades prior. Really, both are costumes for people who are merely acting a part. Why do people care that much about their costume? Unless they care about the whole performance to which they are a part....
The thing that irks me is that this is all so king-and-queen medieval pagentry! Why do the wealthy rulers have to parade around in highly stylized costumes? So that people know they're the rulers? What if no one cared? Would they still dress up? And perhaps that's it – these people need other people to care about them, to envy their gowns and jewels, fancy cars and mega mansions. Otherwise, they're just like everone else.
Therefore, acting and costume become a way of separating oneself from others – to differentiate – to complicate – so as to draw attention to oneself. And because we are apes and thus behaviorally immitative, we are more likely to follow and immitate those who are different from the rest – or at least pay them our attention, listen to them as they proclaim themselves rulers and spout our decrees. Ooooh, well, they look important, they must know what's right – and what a marvelous gown!
It's primeval trickery! And people have been duped for centuries!
the sad, disgusting reality is that this is the operating system of society that has been used by civilization for thousands of years. If you want to get something done in the civilized world, you play by their game, use their language, wear a costume and act the part....
For a treat, I'm going to take a stroll down glittering Madison Ave and snap some photos of mannequins and window displays to share with readers of this blog! How delicious does that sound?
so why not make it more complicated, eh?
I wonder, just now as I type, am I unappreciative of all that I have?
...probably.
yet I must complicate this already sophistic state I find myself in – this skin!
Am I stricken with manic ennui? Who am I even asking? Why do I type thoughts into questions as if someone were there to answer? Mad skin and bones.
I am aloof, or I act aloof (because it is just acting, I suppose) – to this whole haul of civilization. I care not a thing for it. It's boring and played out. Really, I'm so over it. Like suits.... what the fuck? suits? And there exists a whole sub-culture of people who buy them and wear them and perhaps even believe in them and whatever they represent. An example: An unemployed friend of mine was recently lectured by a middle-aged woman (relative) about the absolute necessity of wearing a suit to an interview, declaring dogmatically with such fervent conviction that no one gets a job in New York without a suit.
I got a job in New York without wearing a suit. Fuck the suit. Who really cares anyway except for people who wear suits.... fucking suits....
Another thing I must rant about: shopping. Gawd! shopping! Can we just stop buying shit already? There is so much shit in the world right now and people still want more. I just don't get it. Or perhaps it's the shoppers who just don't get that they've been duped by madison avenue's scheming tactics of the advertising industry – hired by, you guessed it, mega corporations owned by the mega rich – to convince people they need to buy their crap that's made in 3rd world countries by impoverished peoples. Why? Why do people need watches and handbags – who ever came up with that shit? And that's just a slice of the whole damn big picture of civilization that I'm so so so ready to be over with.
Hair product.... people who style their hair with product: a sure sign they care about the materiality of this culture – the plasticity of this tyrannous absurdity that BILLIONS believe in!
Living in New York City I can always point out the more civilized with ease – they're just so much more put together in a way that really sets them apart. stylized. they look like well dressed mannequins. store bought styles with couture profiles. OR. almost a costume, as if they're going for some vintage look worn by mannequins decades prior. Really, both are costumes for people who are merely acting a part. Why do people care that much about their costume? Unless they care about the whole performance to which they are a part....
The thing that irks me is that this is all so king-and-queen medieval pagentry! Why do the wealthy rulers have to parade around in highly stylized costumes? So that people know they're the rulers? What if no one cared? Would they still dress up? And perhaps that's it – these people need other people to care about them, to envy their gowns and jewels, fancy cars and mega mansions. Otherwise, they're just like everone else.
Therefore, acting and costume become a way of separating oneself from others – to differentiate – to complicate – so as to draw attention to oneself. And because we are apes and thus behaviorally immitative, we are more likely to follow and immitate those who are different from the rest – or at least pay them our attention, listen to them as they proclaim themselves rulers and spout our decrees. Ooooh, well, they look important, they must know what's right – and what a marvelous gown!
It's primeval trickery! And people have been duped for centuries!
the sad, disgusting reality is that this is the operating system of society that has been used by civilization for thousands of years. If you want to get something done in the civilized world, you play by their game, use their language, wear a costume and act the part....
For a treat, I'm going to take a stroll down glittering Madison Ave and snap some photos of mannequins and window displays to share with readers of this blog! How delicious does that sound?
11.19.2008
the death of creation / the creation of death (pt. I)
mortal = subject to death
all men are mortal – or are they
life fears death, an ending, a destruction, a permanent "no more"
life is matter, earth is matter
space is the absence of matter
is space the death we fear
energy is the capacity to perform work or activity
E=mc2
energy can be neither created nor destroyed
matter (mass) can be neither created nor destroyed
life can be neither created nor destroyed
death does not exist
only in the context of human creation do living things die
we are only energy vibrating at variable rates
solid, gas, liquid
WHY THEN DOES LIFE CREATE
what is energy striving to achieve while in that tenuous tri-state of solid, liquid, gas that is life?
how beautiful that life is all three states of matter working syncretically/symbiotically - but why?
why this delicate harmony?
if life creates not to escape death but to preserve this triad of energy then why?
to become conscious of itself - to witness and know itself, the universe unfolding and folding in upon itself eternally?
yes... i believe so...
all men are mortal – or are they
life fears death, an ending, a destruction, a permanent "no more"
life is matter, earth is matter
space is the absence of matter
is space the death we fear
energy is the capacity to perform work or activity
E=mc2
energy can be neither created nor destroyed
matter (mass) can be neither created nor destroyed
life can be neither created nor destroyed
death does not exist
only in the context of human creation do living things die
we are only energy vibrating at variable rates
solid, gas, liquid
WHY THEN DOES LIFE CREATE
what is energy striving to achieve while in that tenuous tri-state of solid, liquid, gas that is life?
how beautiful that life is all three states of matter working syncretically/symbiotically - but why?
why this delicate harmony?
if life creates not to escape death but to preserve this triad of energy then why?
to become conscious of itself - to witness and know itself, the universe unfolding and folding in upon itself eternally?
yes... i believe so...
11.17.2008
less is more
I fear dreams, ambition, entrepreneurial endeavors, goals, plans, obsessive self interest, vigorous career moves, grasps for fame, attempts at fortune.
I don't want to do anything spectacular with my life. I don't want mediated attention (yet, I write this blog...). I don't want to strive to achieve some self-eclipsing success. I don't want to contribute to society. I don't want to leave anything behind.
I want less.
of everything man-made
even dreams.
Since I was a child I've always been a dreamer and believed in the fecundity of my dreams - that like seeds they could be nurtured into a manifested reality. As Americans, I think we're acculturated to dream and believe in the power of dreams. After all, dreams make. dreams do.
But perhaps we've done too much. We've drown the world with our dreams and created an excessive amount of artifacts, so much that we don't know what to do with it all but dump it into the oceans, burn it, bury it, or enshrine as some mile marker in the history of our culture's stride of "progess".
As I live in New York City I meet so many impassioned people doing doing doing doing many things with their lives - but all seem to be striving for the creation of some sort of life-product: a material manifestation of one's life - that will be revered for its contribution to the progress of society. Whether they know it or not, that's what they're doing - artists, scientists, architects, designers, writers. it's manic and neurotic. in some ways I think western civilization is obsessed with creation. if we don't create then we'll be forgotten or left behind.
I'm not advocating that people should stop creating, although I might find solace and appreciation from such high moral and ethical behavior. I'm merely saying, don't expect anything from me. I feel guilty enough creating this blog, all these words and images. I want a simple life. I want to believe that I'm somehow beyond creation–that I'm ready to embrace telepathy or universal understanding, forgiveness, humility.
What can be said without words? What can be accomplished without goals? What if we put that old tool, the mind, to rest? What if we just rely on intuition, impulses, desires, instinct, necessity? What would the world look like? Who would we be?
yet we are here, a nation of dreamers. and rather than participate in this narcissistic national ethos of creation I'm going to stand back and witness it. Do little or nothing–only what is necessary, and strive for less.
I don't want to do anything spectacular with my life. I don't want mediated attention (yet, I write this blog...). I don't want to strive to achieve some self-eclipsing success. I don't want to contribute to society. I don't want to leave anything behind.
I want less.
of everything man-made
even dreams.
Since I was a child I've always been a dreamer and believed in the fecundity of my dreams - that like seeds they could be nurtured into a manifested reality. As Americans, I think we're acculturated to dream and believe in the power of dreams. After all, dreams make. dreams do.
But perhaps we've done too much. We've drown the world with our dreams and created an excessive amount of artifacts, so much that we don't know what to do with it all but dump it into the oceans, burn it, bury it, or enshrine as some mile marker in the history of our culture's stride of "progess".
As I live in New York City I meet so many impassioned people doing doing doing doing many things with their lives - but all seem to be striving for the creation of some sort of life-product: a material manifestation of one's life - that will be revered for its contribution to the progress of society. Whether they know it or not, that's what they're doing - artists, scientists, architects, designers, writers. it's manic and neurotic. in some ways I think western civilization is obsessed with creation. if we don't create then we'll be forgotten or left behind.
I'm not advocating that people should stop creating, although I might find solace and appreciation from such high moral and ethical behavior. I'm merely saying, don't expect anything from me. I feel guilty enough creating this blog, all these words and images. I want a simple life. I want to believe that I'm somehow beyond creation–that I'm ready to embrace telepathy or universal understanding, forgiveness, humility.
What can be said without words? What can be accomplished without goals? What if we put that old tool, the mind, to rest? What if we just rely on intuition, impulses, desires, instinct, necessity? What would the world look like? Who would we be?
yet we are here, a nation of dreamers. and rather than participate in this narcissistic national ethos of creation I'm going to stand back and witness it. Do little or nothing–only what is necessary, and strive for less.
11.11.2008
today i bleed
still wearing all these wires and heart strings
despite a deeper knowing and a wider perspective
today I bleed
within this mess of amassed flesh
a beating mind set 9-to-5, sleep, wake, eat
to survive these streets and the dissipate heat
I BLEED! I want to yell into these cold canyon streets, "I BLEED!"
these words are escaping through clicks at finger tips
swift as the leaves swirl over pavement when trucks pass
out a gaping hole in this hollow hull
"the first steer rolled out on the floor to be bled, skinned, and dressed"
BLOOD LET
let go notions writ in stone that stone begets stoic men with stone minds
spouting, spewing, spillage
sometimes it's gonna hurt
seeping dry from bloodshot eyes
that stones and scabs like dams to defy
could it be so wrong to feel the weight of this world
drain from flesh and drip from mind
what crime! what crime!
to be alive and never cry
despite a deeper knowing and a wider perspective
today I bleed
within this mess of amassed flesh
a beating mind set 9-to-5, sleep, wake, eat
to survive these streets and the dissipate heat
I BLEED! I want to yell into these cold canyon streets, "I BLEED!"
these words are escaping through clicks at finger tips
swift as the leaves swirl over pavement when trucks pass
out a gaping hole in this hollow hull
"the first steer rolled out on the floor to be bled, skinned, and dressed"
BLOOD LET
let go notions writ in stone that stone begets stoic men with stone minds
spouting, spewing, spillage
sometimes it's gonna hurt
seeping dry from bloodshot eyes
that stones and scabs like dams to defy
could it be so wrong to feel the weight of this world
drain from flesh and drip from mind
what crime! what crime!
to be alive and never cry
11.07.2008
four foods that have changed my life
Tonight I was eating a leftover red quinoa dish I had made the night before, absolutely delighting in it's beauty, taste, and benefit to my health. It got me thinking about other foods that I've incorporated into my diet in the past few years that have really made an impact on my health, my culinary palette and my choice to support sustainable agriculture. As we move into the holidays, a season focused on food, it's as good of a time as any to share four foods that have changed my life:
#1: QUINOA
If you're not cooking and eating quinoa yet you're really missing out. Pronounced keen-wa or kee-no-uh, this tiny seed originated in the Andes and was first cultivated by the Incas. Though it looks like rice and cooks like rice, it's actually not a grain, but a relative of leafy greens like spinach and kale. Nutritionally, quinoa is a complete protein - unlike rice and wheat - it contains all nine essential amino acids and is high in dietary fiber, iron, phosphorus, manganese and magnesium.
Because my diet tends to be low in meat, quinoa is a great way for me to get the same protein benefits I would otherwise miss out on, plus added minerals! It's also a fairly sustainable crop that requires little use of fertilizers, herbicides and pesticides - making it a good choice when supporting sustainable crops and agriculture.
It comes in a few varieties. My favorite so far is Inca Red - the color is marvelous!
#2 HEMP
Another winning seed comes from the Hemp plant. Like quinoa, the hemp seed is a complete protein, containing all the essential amino acids and essential fatty acids necessary to maintain healthy human life. The seed can be used in many different ways as far as consumption is concerned. It can be ground into a powder then made into products like Hemp Milk - similar to soy but with more nutrients and no health risks, Hemp Bread /Baked Goods, Hemp Oil, Hemp Butter, Hemp Protein Powder - or it can be eaten raw and mixed into cereals, salads, and other dishes.
Hemp Milk is my favorite milk alternative because of its taste and nutritional value. I use it in cereals, baking, and to drink - it doesn't seem to mix well as a creamer in coffee, but I'll still add it occasionally. Also, like quinoa, Hemp is a highly sustainable crop requiring little water and no pesticides. It uses also extend beyond the dietary, leaving no part of the plant to waste.
#3 CHIA
You might be catching on that seeds are way underrated as a source of food and make up a large portion of my diet. Chia is a super seed that comes from the Mint Family (Salvia) and originated in the central valley of Mexico. First cultivated by the Aztecs as a major source of food, it can be eaten raw (i.e. sprinkled on cereals, pastas, and salads), ground into a powder and used in soups and baked goods, or soaked in water (or hemp milk) and eaten like a pudding.
As far as nutrients are concerned, chia is a superfood. It has one of the highest contents of omega-3 fatty acids of any vegetable source, is high in antioxidants, fiber, calcium and protein.
Chia has become my morning meal. I soak it in a mixture of water and hemp milk to make a gelatinous additive to either granola or oatmeal, complemented with chopped fresh fruit. It's like yogurt - only so much better! It's also a sustainable crop!
#4 COCONUT
Coconut is, yes, a nut, like almonds and walnuts! Albeit a very large one - at least in comparison. The main reason coconut has won me over is it's high nutritional value and source of fat. Yes fat. Coconut is very high in saturated fat, and while that might cause many to turn their heads in fear of risks to their cardiovascular system (i.e. high cholesterol), fear not! Coconut oil (the oil derived from the meat of the nut) is an excellent source of a healthy form of fatty acids that are essential to human health and commonly found in animal products. It's rich in lauric acid, which is known for being anti-viral, antibacterial and anti-fungal, offering great support to the immune system. Also, coconut is easily digestible and its protein converts into quick, healthy energy.
Nearly one third of the world's population depends on coconut to some degree for their food and their economy and it's uses extend beyond the culinary - leaving little waste after cultivation of the entire plant.
I buy a jar of Coconut Butter and spead it on a slice of hemp bread (or pancakes) for breakfast or for a snack. I've also used it as a butter substitute in baking and as a glaze on raw desserts. I also have a bottle of Coconut Oil that I use with cooking, similar to olive oil - but it has a higher smoke temp.
One thing that strikes me after typing this is the fact that nearly all of these foods were staples in indigenous diets - people who survived off the land with little to no technology for thousands of years - and lived healthy lives in a healthy cooperation with their environments.
You're likely to find all of these food products at your local cooperative market or health food store, and if not you can always order online.
Also, if you've read this and would like to share any info or experiences about foods that have changed your life, please comment! I'd love to hear and learn from you!
#1: QUINOA
If you're not cooking and eating quinoa yet you're really missing out. Pronounced keen-wa or kee-no-uh, this tiny seed originated in the Andes and was first cultivated by the Incas. Though it looks like rice and cooks like rice, it's actually not a grain, but a relative of leafy greens like spinach and kale. Nutritionally, quinoa is a complete protein - unlike rice and wheat - it contains all nine essential amino acids and is high in dietary fiber, iron, phosphorus, manganese and magnesium.
Because my diet tends to be low in meat, quinoa is a great way for me to get the same protein benefits I would otherwise miss out on, plus added minerals! It's also a fairly sustainable crop that requires little use of fertilizers, herbicides and pesticides - making it a good choice when supporting sustainable crops and agriculture.
It comes in a few varieties. My favorite so far is Inca Red - the color is marvelous!
#2 HEMP
Another winning seed comes from the Hemp plant. Like quinoa, the hemp seed is a complete protein, containing all the essential amino acids and essential fatty acids necessary to maintain healthy human life. The seed can be used in many different ways as far as consumption is concerned. It can be ground into a powder then made into products like Hemp Milk - similar to soy but with more nutrients and no health risks, Hemp Bread /Baked Goods, Hemp Oil, Hemp Butter, Hemp Protein Powder - or it can be eaten raw and mixed into cereals, salads, and other dishes.
Hemp Milk is my favorite milk alternative because of its taste and nutritional value. I use it in cereals, baking, and to drink - it doesn't seem to mix well as a creamer in coffee, but I'll still add it occasionally. Also, like quinoa, Hemp is a highly sustainable crop requiring little water and no pesticides. It uses also extend beyond the dietary, leaving no part of the plant to waste.
#3 CHIA
You might be catching on that seeds are way underrated as a source of food and make up a large portion of my diet. Chia is a super seed that comes from the Mint Family (Salvia) and originated in the central valley of Mexico. First cultivated by the Aztecs as a major source of food, it can be eaten raw (i.e. sprinkled on cereals, pastas, and salads), ground into a powder and used in soups and baked goods, or soaked in water (or hemp milk) and eaten like a pudding.
As far as nutrients are concerned, chia is a superfood. It has one of the highest contents of omega-3 fatty acids of any vegetable source, is high in antioxidants, fiber, calcium and protein.
Chia has become my morning meal. I soak it in a mixture of water and hemp milk to make a gelatinous additive to either granola or oatmeal, complemented with chopped fresh fruit. It's like yogurt - only so much better! It's also a sustainable crop!
#4 COCONUT
Coconut is, yes, a nut, like almonds and walnuts! Albeit a very large one - at least in comparison. The main reason coconut has won me over is it's high nutritional value and source of fat. Yes fat. Coconut is very high in saturated fat, and while that might cause many to turn their heads in fear of risks to their cardiovascular system (i.e. high cholesterol), fear not! Coconut oil (the oil derived from the meat of the nut) is an excellent source of a healthy form of fatty acids that are essential to human health and commonly found in animal products. It's rich in lauric acid, which is known for being anti-viral, antibacterial and anti-fungal, offering great support to the immune system. Also, coconut is easily digestible and its protein converts into quick, healthy energy.
Nearly one third of the world's population depends on coconut to some degree for their food and their economy and it's uses extend beyond the culinary - leaving little waste after cultivation of the entire plant.
I buy a jar of Coconut Butter and spead it on a slice of hemp bread (or pancakes) for breakfast or for a snack. I've also used it as a butter substitute in baking and as a glaze on raw desserts. I also have a bottle of Coconut Oil that I use with cooking, similar to olive oil - but it has a higher smoke temp.
One thing that strikes me after typing this is the fact that nearly all of these foods were staples in indigenous diets - people who survived off the land with little to no technology for thousands of years - and lived healthy lives in a healthy cooperation with their environments.
You're likely to find all of these food products at your local cooperative market or health food store, and if not you can always order online.
Also, if you've read this and would like to share any info or experiences about foods that have changed your life, please comment! I'd love to hear and learn from you!
10.28.2008
it must end
I have civilization collapse anxiety. I read too much news, follow too many current events and trends. I'm connecting too many dots. Why does it all have to make sense? Why can't it be puzzling and mysterious? ...because we now know too much. Billions of brains connected. We can now see with a billion eyes, a million minds. It's all there/here, just key strokes and clicks away. The internet is showing us we are connected, we are one consciousness, one shared experience of everything all at once. But it's too much for one mind to process all at once, leading to overload, stress, anxiety. The human mind is under-evolved for such things: only 24 frames per second. It's too stressful to think of what's happening all around the world, at every moment, to feel it, feel it's momentum, to know it's course of direction and understand the possible outcomes. And we are only going to be bombarded with more information, more troubling, daunting, overwhelming events. There's no slowing this down.
As much as many of us would like it to go back to normal, for Obama to win the presidency and right the economy, spread peace through diplomacy and restore America through sound and reasonable policy, we must face the hard truth that we must never go back to the lifestlye we've all been living. We cannot. And it's not because we have a choice but because it's no longer possible. The days of shopping malls, botiques, endless items to consume, luxury, fashion, art, museums and ballparks, sit-coms and gameshows, yachts and all-you-can-eat buffets are over. The American Dream is over. We're waking up to reality. We've been asleep for far too long. There must be no more taking out loans for a new car or mortgages for homes; no police and prisons; no insurance; NO BANKS and credit cards; no militaries; no foreign trade; no advertising; no paper, plastic and packaging; no iPods and cellphones. It all must end.
I cannot imagine living another decade in a world like the one I have grown up in. It's been hard enough year by year with the more that I learn about everything. It must end. I can only subdue this mind so many times before it wakes up again and realizes what a shit-show carnival this whole structure of civilization really is. The tricks no longer work on me. My tolerance is too high. I'm vibrating at a higher frequency.
I'm dead serious. It must end. Either it ends in the next few years or I'm out. I'll flee to some remote corner of the planet and live in hermitage. This has gone on for too long. It's like that scene in Clockwork Orange where Alex is forced to watch violent movies with his eyelids held open and he's screaming something like, "stop! stop it! make it stop! I can't take it anymore! make it stop! make it stop!"
10.26.2008
Just in case...
given the trend of current social/economic/political events, there's a high chance of utility infrastructure collapse in these united states in the very near future. If this sort of thing happens it will likely lead to total chaos amongst people who are dependent on government and corporations for food, water, heat, energy, fuel, and consumables - so about 95% of the total population will be desperate for things they've always taken for granted. I foresee massive looting and violence, raids and robberies (FYI the US government recently deployed a unit of the US army to be stationed within the united states to help with "crowd control and civil unrest" for management of a national emergency. Also, the government has set up several FEMA prison camps around the country ready to detain dissidents in the occurrence of a national emergency). This is the type of situation where a heavily populated city is the last place you'd want to be.
Things are definitely escalating and while I wouldn't go so far as to suggest the apocalypse or a biblical armageddon, I do believe we're in the midst of the unraveling of civilization as we know it - the collapse of capitalism, globalization, government and industrialization. It's all coming down and there's really no way to stop it, fix it, or do anything other than watch it fall and be prepared to survive the crash. So....
Here's a list of items to help you prepare for the worst:
- be prepared to be mobile and pack light with essentials, unless you have a bomb shelter, in which case, stock that shit up!
- water filtration/purification kit (the kind you take camping): water is the number one thing you don't want to be without, plus you want to be able to drink from whatever sources are available.
- stock of non perishable food (canned foods, dried foods, etc)
- first aid kit and stock of medicine
- a bicycle or a vehicle (might not be a bad idea to store some extra containers of gasoline)
- a good flashlight and spare batteries
- matches and lighters
- adequate apparel (it could happen in the winter, so outdoor boots, jacket, etc are good to have)
- a reliable knife
- a safe and small firearm
- your INTUITION: things are going to happen so fast you're not going to have time to think about it. Be prepared and trust your intuition (i.e. trust your gut instincts).
If you think of anything to add to the list let me know! Buy now because the dollar may be useless very soon.
I know this might seem a little intense, but if you're in the flow then you're in the know and you probably sense it as well. In any case, it's better to be prepared for nothing than to have nothing prepared if the situation unfolds.... which is looking more and more likely every week.
A somewhat related concern: I'm not quite so sure the election will go as smoothly as one would hope. It's possible it'll drag out a month or two. Also, both Joe Biden and Colon Powell have warned of a crisis early in the coming year.
"Mark my words," Biden told donors at a Seattle fund-raiser Sunday night.
"It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We're about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America.
"Watch. We're going to have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy.
"And he's going to need help . . . to stand with him. Because it's not going to be apparent initially; it's not going to be apparent that we're right."
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