It has to be admitted, permitted into dialogue, confessed, accepted:
New York City - one of the "greatest" cities in the world - is an ecological disaster, an eye sore on the planet, comparable to a nuclear wasteland. This is the dying heart of the war machine that breeds destruction all across the globe, propagating it's hostile culture generation upon generation, while raping other cultures in an attempt to satisfy it's appetite for exploitation and domination.
There's no way in hell this city could go green. For it to be green would mean to undo a century or more of ecocide - it would mean that the city would have to die and be reborn from it's own ashes with an entirely new purpose for existing - not commerce, not profit, not grandeur and luxury, excess and pride. This beast's heart is still raging and will not pitter out or change easily. If anything, it'll explode - implode, rather.
I've tried it. I've been here and I've honestly embraced as much of this monstrosity as I could without being completely repulsed. It's just not for me. I grew up outdoors, playing in fields and along irrigation canals. I'm from a different culture. I speak the language of the land.
Of course, the dominant western culture was shoved down my throat, forced into my veins through television and the educational system. I had no choice but to drink the poison. And it made me sick, maimed and tamed me - domesticated me like a house dog or zoo animal.
Then I spent time in the desert and the rain forest. Listened to the voices I had known as a child. Let heal. Let go.
But western culture is so good at domination that it perhaps never fully left me. I was always hooked in some way, surfing on its flawed structures, dependent on the resources it took by force and offered me with so many easy choices that any alternative was beyond recognition.
I can't say why I came to New York - the belly of the beast - other than that I was drawn here by the mystery of it all. The cities I knew of in the west were still small craters in the vast and open spaces of the landscape. Nature was never too far away and always felt like a greater force than the city, looming in the mountains that never leave the horizon. But here you get the feeling that the city really did conquer nature. There is no reminder. Everything living is domesticated in some way - forced to live in a very controlled and bleak environment.
It's funny because sometimes I'm fooled into believing that I'm experiencing nature here - when the trees are all in bloom or when I'm walking through the parks - but it's just a prop, an artifact, manipulated and poised for the purpose of serving man's interest. If the trees in the city existed for themselves no one would have planted them. Sure, they make it look nicer here. If this city had no trees it would be absolutely intolerable - but it would reveal what a wasteland it really is. The trees are prisoners forced into 3x3 squares in concrete, their roots suffocating under asphalt, sprayed with dog urine and herbicide - all so city dwellers can go on pretending like everything is okay - "look, how beautiful, spring in New York!"
And I'll confess I'm guilty of these crimes. I've fallen prey to this city on several occasions. It's so easy to. But I'm learning with each time I get hooked in that it's just a gimmick to keep me satisfied, to keep me spending my money and my time here, to keep turning the wheel and propagating this war machine.
I often liken myself to the savage, John, in Aldous Huxley's
Brave New World and his experience in the World State (huge city) after being brought there by Bernard. It's clear that he's so alien to the city, from another order (nature), and can see it's emptiness and wickedness, while everyone else finds him attractive for his novelty - a new commodity to be exploited, dominated, manipulated and sold.
I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with myself. In a way I feel like if I retreat this island I'll be giving up too soon. On the other hand, I feel like I'm hypersensitive to environments and cultures and can clearly detect the inimical effects of living here. Staying in this city is only subscribing to it's destructiveness, supporting the war machine by paying taxes here, and promoting the lifestyle and culture by participating in the structure. Granted, I'm clearly not living the typical New York lifestlye (I shop at the coop, work for a non-profit environmental organization that educates the city's imprisoned youth, and ride my bike - to name a few).
I mean, I came here thinking if I could change or influence New York I could change anything. But is that not also a desire to manipulate and control? Even if it is for the good of the planet? I'm starting to wonder if the best way to stop this behemoth of a civilization is to leave it - rather than try to dismantle it from within. Is it time to jump ship? I have a plan and a life boat.
