it must end

I have civilization collapse anxiety. I read too much news, follow too many current events and trends. I'm connecting too many dots. Why does it all have to make sense? Why can't it be puzzling and mysterious? ...because we now know too much. Billions of brains connected. We can now see with a billion eyes, a million minds. It's all there/here, just key strokes and clicks away. The internet is showing us we are connected, we are one consciousness, one shared experience of everything all at once. But it's too much for one mind to process all at once, leading to overload, stress, anxiety. The human mind is under-evolved for such things: only 24 frames per second. It's too stressful to think of what's happening all around the world, at every moment, to feel it, feel it's momentum, to know it's course of direction and understand the possible outcomes. And we are only going to be bombarded with more information, more troubling, daunting, overwhelming events. There's no slowing this down.

As much as many of us would like it to go back to normal, for Obama to win the presidency and right the economy, spread peace through diplomacy and restore America through sound and reasonable policy, we must face the hard truth that we must never go back to the lifestlye we've all been living. We cannot. And it's not because we have a choice but because it's no longer possible. The days of shopping malls, botiques, endless items to consume, luxury, fashion, art, museums and ballparks, sit-coms and gameshows, yachts and all-you-can-eat buffets are over. The American Dream is over. We're waking up to reality. We've been asleep for far too long. There must be no more taking out loans for a new car or mortgages for homes; no police and prisons; no insurance; NO BANKS and credit cards; no militaries; no foreign trade; no advertising; no paper, plastic and packaging; no iPods and cellphones. It all must end.

I cannot imagine living another decade in a world like the one I have grown up in. It's been hard enough year by year with the more that I learn about everything. It must end. I can only subdue this mind so many times before it wakes up again and realizes what a shit-show carnival this whole structure of civilization really is. The tricks no longer work on me. My tolerance is too high. I'm vibrating at a higher frequency.

I'm dead serious. It must end. Either it ends in the next few years or I'm out. I'll flee to some remote corner of the planet and live in hermitage. This has gone on for too long. It's like that scene in Clockwork Orange where Alex is forced to watch violent movies with his eyelids held open and he's screaming something like, "stop! stop it! make it stop! I can't take it anymore! make it stop! make it stop!"

Just in case...

given the trend of current social/economic/political events, there's a high chance of utility infrastructure collapse in these united states in the very near future. If this sort of thing happens it will likely lead to total chaos amongst people who are dependent on government and corporations for food, water, heat, energy, fuel, and consumables - so about 95% of the total population will be desperate for things they've always taken for granted. I foresee massive looting and violence, raids and robberies (FYI the US government recently deployed a unit of the US army to be stationed within the united states to help with "crowd control and civil unrest" for management of a national emergency. Also, the government has set up several FEMA prison camps around the country ready to detain dissidents in the occurrence of a national emergency). This is the type of situation where a heavily populated city is the last place you'd want to be.

Things are definitely escalating and while I wouldn't go so far as to suggest the apocalypse or a biblical armageddon, I do believe we're in the midst of the unraveling of civilization as we know it - the collapse of capitalism, globalization, government and industrialization. It's all coming down and there's really no way to stop it, fix it, or do anything other than watch it fall and be prepared to survive the crash. So....

Here's a list of items to help you prepare for the worst:

- be prepared to be mobile and pack light with essentials, unless you have a bomb shelter, in which case, stock that shit up!
- water filtration/purification kit (the kind you take camping): water is the number one thing you don't want to be without, plus you want to be able to drink from whatever sources are available.
- stock of non perishable food (canned foods, dried foods, etc)
- first aid kit and stock of medicine
- a bicycle or a vehicle (might not be a bad idea to store some extra containers of gasoline)
- a good flashlight and spare batteries
- matches and lighters
- adequate apparel (it could happen in the winter, so outdoor boots, jacket, etc are good to have)
- a reliable knife
- a safe and small firearm
- your INTUITION: things are going to happen so fast you're not going to have time to think about it. Be prepared and trust your intuition (i.e. trust your gut instincts).

If you think of anything to add to the list let me know! Buy now because the dollar may be useless very soon.

I know this might seem a little intense, but if you're in the flow then you're in the know and you probably sense it as well. In any case, it's better to be prepared for nothing than to have nothing prepared if the situation unfolds.... which is looking more and more likely every week.

A somewhat related concern: I'm not quite so sure the election will go as smoothly as one would hope. It's possible it'll drag out a month or two. Also, both Joe Biden and Colon Powell have warned of a crisis early in the coming year.

"Mark my words," Biden told donors at a Seattle fund-raiser Sunday night.

"It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We're about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America.

"Watch. We're going to have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy.

"And he's going to need help . . . to stand with him. Because it's not going to be apparent initially; it's not going to be apparent that we're right."

Strange, no? But you've gotta read into these things. You've gotta be paying attention. Otherwise the rug will pulled out from under you and you'll be on your ass. And anyways, we should be welcoming this collapse as a storm that will transform the world, wash out the bad and prepare the soil for new growth. It's a natural cycle. Embrace it.

RE-NEW

"The purpose of cultivating absolutely clear seeing is to harness the mind to electromagnetic fields and to direct it to the access of psychotelepathic information structures. This is what is meant by the investigation of the natural mind. Once the natural mind has been restored and investigation of its cosmic capacities has been undertaken, then comes the education of the natural mind. The seminal texts of the Cosmic History Chronicles in coordination with the studies and practices of the synchronic order will provide the foundation of the education of the natural mind."

CLICK HERE

life ever emergent

after watching the video I posted in my last entry everything has come back into focus for me. no more "broken child". i have, as the end of the poem hoped, made sense of this. everything is clear once again. direction, connection, vision. I'm sure this isn't making much sense to anyone reading this, so I'll briefly attempt to explain.

I came to new york with a very different sensibility about the world than that which most people living out here are operating with. I strive for cooperation and collaboration, putting the health of all people and above all, life, at the forefront of my existence. The east coast is built on competition and suspicion of the other. There is so much that is fragmented out here, compartmentalized and institutionalized. I believe that people who grow up here have little chance at developing without this deep ingrained ethic of competition because it is manifested in nearly every aspect of their environment - which is nearly all constructed by people who believe in a fragmented universe where all things are separate from one another. This is where it was created in america - new york city is the empire. this is where the institution of wage slavery was initiated. the foundations and traditions here run deep and money is god, economics the religion.

It's hard to live out here as a result of this environment and culture and not be affected by it. It's like going to another country where everything operates differently and people speak a different language, not just with their tongues but with their entire being. In order to survive out here I think I had to adapt myself to the environment and in some ways adopt this modus operandi, in effect, allowing myself to be corrupted. And I was successful somewhat in my adaptation, yet it never quite felt right. It left me feeling unfulfilled, all the while offering me more materialism to "fill" that newly created void. It's a downward spiral. A cleverly devised hook to pull you in and keep you civil as you continue to support the status quo. Simply put, I got caught up in it all and lost track of what's important to me, why I exist and what I'm doing with this life.

It's been almost cosmic coming out of this comatose mind spell. Something about the recent full moon lifted my energy level into alignment. There were different events around the full moon that I believe enabled me to regain this clarity of mind, body, spirit: the visitation of a really good friend; watching the sun rise out of the atlantic ocean; spending time in the forest last weekend amidst the radiance of fall foliage; engaging my muscles in exercise; a really intense shiatsu massage; and watching the zeitgeist addendum documentary. Surely that's not everything, as no experience is singular but rather a portion of the thread that connects one moment to the next. Those are just some knots, some highlights of intense cosmic engagement with high energy - and let me tell you, that shiatsu massage was intense. that chinese woman beat the shit outta me, but it was good! just what I needed! :) and I think she knew that I needed it too!

So what do I do now? Now that I'm rejuvenated, invigorated, energized and optimized...
I'll save that for my next entry.

[above photo taken by my friend rebecca while watching the sun emerge from the ocean and the darkness]

WATCH THIS!

Please, oh please, watch this 2 hour long documentary and engage me in a discussion. I can guarantee you that it will provoke massive insight on the way you see the world. It's extremely relevant to everything going on in the world today, especially the economic crisis and globalization, climate change, etc. If you can watch two lousy politicians "debate" for 90mins then you can surely watch this video - plus you'll get so much more out of it!

Enjoy! Let me know what you think after you watch it!

Broken Child

broken because I write this

fractured into keys and strokes that extend from the wrist

thoughts from a heretic busted on bliss

the world is kind

when you look through glass eyes

at pixels and screens

the same things we see when we dream

these boats with wings wrecked in the clouds

torn apart by what cannot be seen

fallen from cerulean city highs

the ground we thought was ours to defy

splayed like child angels in the snow

suspended from the world we strive to know

I shout out rhymes and songs to hold on

pieces I've salvaged, memories saved

build an ark of these jagged bits

to float my life through this piddling myth

with the hope that one day I can make sense of this

[From April 28, 2008]

ode

i dont know what i have done
im turning myself into a demon
i dont know what i have done
im turning myself into a demon

If you could go anywhere to escape western civilization and it's maniacal downward spiral of destruction where would you go? Inside a bottle? within the sound waves of perpetual automated applause from TV sitcoms? to the psychedelic corners of your mind? Patagonia?

This question beats against me like waves upon a desert shore, lapsing and returning endlessly. Can it even be answered? Is escape possible? I want to be optimistic but I also have to be pragmatic, and reason makes me doubt. The entire world is tainted.

No.

It can't be. There are places out of reach - or, I suppose everything is within reach of this industrial octopus - but there are places hard to reach, and for that matter, not worth the cost to exploit because of little or diminished returns. But are these places livable?

Do I follow in the footsteps of the big cats, bears, and wolves of north america, into the high mountains and northern tundra?

I want out. This place is madness. My country is raping its people and telling them it's for their own good! And then raping the rest of the world in the name of democracy. And I am witness. Forced to watch, to take part, to give the fruit of my labor to these warlords, funding their destructive schemes. I fear it cannot be stopped unless there is a massive uprising against it or the whole thing collapses because it is terribly unsustainable. Yet, what am I to do? In the meantime; until now and the end? This is sad, upsetting, depressing, and agonizing.

I struggle with the idea that I can act as an agent of change, act as a wise shepherd to guide this lamed flock to a better life. But people are not domesticated farm animals bred for their wool, milk and meat; they are domesticated addicts bred for their labor and ability to consume. For all the time and effort I put towards improving life for ALL living things on this planet there are hundreds of agents working against that, undoing that work of mine and then reversing it and driving it to hell.

Is there hope? And what is an honest man to do?