after watching the video I posted in my last entry everything has come back into focus for me. no more "broken child". i have, as the end of the poem hoped, made sense of this. everything is clear once again. direction, connection, vision. I'm sure this isn't making much sense to anyone reading this, so I'll briefly attempt to explain.
I came to new york with a very different sensibility about the world than that which most people living out here are operating with. I strive for cooperation and collaboration, putting the health of all people and above all, life, at the forefront of my existence. The east coast is built on competition and suspicion of the other. There is so much that is fragmented out here, compartmentalized and institutionalized. I believe that people who grow up here have little chance at developing without this deep ingrained ethic of competition because it is manifested in nearly every aspect of their environment - which is nearly all constructed by people who believe in a fragmented universe where all things are separate from one another. This is where it was created in america - new york city is the empire. this is where the institution of wage slavery was initiated. the foundations and traditions here run deep and money is god, economics the religion.
It's hard to live out here as a result of this environment and culture and not be affected by it. It's like going to another country where everything operates differently and people speak a different language, not just with their tongues but with their entire being. In order to survive out here I think I had to adapt myself to the environment and in some ways adopt this modus operandi, in effect, allowing myself to be corrupted. And I was successful somewhat in my adaptation, yet it never quite felt right. It left me feeling unfulfilled, all the while offering me more materialism to "fill" that newly created void. It's a downward spiral. A cleverly devised hook to pull you in and keep you civil as you continue to support the status quo. Simply put, I got caught up in it all and lost track of what's important to me, why I exist and what I'm doing with this life.
It's been almost cosmic coming out of this comatose mind spell. Something about the recent full moon lifted my energy level into alignment. There were different events around the full moon that I believe enabled me to regain this clarity of mind, body, spirit: the visitation of a really good friend; watching the sun rise out of the atlantic ocean; spending time in the forest last weekend amidst the radiance of fall foliage; engaging my muscles in exercise; a really intense shiatsu massage; and watching the zeitgeist addendum documentary. Surely that's not everything, as no experience is singular but rather a portion of the thread that connects one moment to the next. Those are just some knots, some highlights of intense cosmic engagement with high energy - and let me tell you, that shiatsu massage was intense. that chinese woman beat the shit outta me, but it was good! just what I needed! :) and I think she knew that I needed it too!
So what do I do now? Now that I'm rejuvenated, invigorated, energized and optimized...
I'll save that for my next entry.
[above photo taken by my friend rebecca while watching the sun emerge from the ocean and the darkness]
No comments:
Post a Comment