LIVE TO BLEED

THIS HEART BLEEDS AT 7000 kilobits per second
THROUGH DEEP BLUE EYES AND HIGH SPEED LINES
AND MILES AND MILES OF MAKE-BELIEVE LIES
IN PICTURES OF MEN AND IN HEADLINE NEWS
I'M STARTING FIRES THAT BURN PAPERTHIN TRUTHS
WHILE THIS Papier-mâché MACHINE
PUMPS CORONARY DREAMS THAT BLAZE
AS THE LUNGS OF DOVES WHEN THEY SING
here is deciet
i made it in you
run away with my love
and make it untrue
ONLY ALL IS ON SCREEN THAT WILL EVER BEEN SEEN
AND BEYOND THIS REPLICATE LIGHT
AND MOONLESS COLD NIGHTS
AND WORDS THAT CRY OUT TO EYES UNABLE TO BEHOLD
ANYTHING OTHER THAN PAPER FOOLS GOLD

shut this lid and quit this lie
the world is on fire and it's all in your mind
but don't think it's not real
because this blood you can feel
fermenting red and blue
inside a corporal contract
to suffer happenstance
that to fight or deny
would make one feel as though they would die

BETWEEN THE BRANCHES OF THE WORLD THE SKY STILL SPINS
FALSE DREAMS OF GOLD WINGS THAT WERE NEVER BORN TO FLY
AND THE BIRDS STILL SING FROM FROZEN BOUGHS BROKEN
AS BONES ON UNFORGIVING GROUND

live to learn to let bleed the wounds that set free
our hearts from our minds and our eyes from the screen
there's a fire inside and it's out of control
let burn
let be
and live to bleed

Strategic Covert Human Operations

For the past few days my stomach hasn't been too happy. The possible suspects: bad lox, rancid seasoning, a gastronomical disagreement, or stress. Narrowing it down is futile. As an unfortunate result though, and because there are always so many people around in public, I've had to devise strategic methods to relieve/release the fermented gasiness in stealth. I will share this valuable knowledge I have gathered from, well, personal experience.

If on the sidewalk, walk closer to the street and wait for large trucks/cars to pass, then you pass.

In subway station: release as a train (that is not yours) passes - or, this is tricky, if it is your train, release as it is pulling into the station (to mask sound) then quickly walk away from area towards the doors of a car further down the station and board as though nothing is unusual - because if something appears unusual, someone might see something and then say something. Do it right and no one will ever know.

I suspect you could also find alleys, alcoves, open space if you're lucky to be near a park. There's room for creativity, which is a good thing. Perhaps I'll update with more strategies, though I really hope this gastro-disaster passes before I have the opportunity to do that.

Hello, you're laughing a little but also a little grossed out. It's okay. It'll pass.

One Storm

On April 19, 2003 I wrote the following in my journal:

"A revolution is taking place in the hearts and minds of Americans. I'm not certain how long it has been brewing but I think for the most part it is fairly recent. It's like a rumbling in the distance as a violent storm approaches. People from all walks of life are waking up and sharing their experiences with others...Our freedom is being stripped right in front of our faces and people are starting to see the truth. Each side is building their army, preparing for the inevitable. Our history has been defined by a series of revolts of the oppressed against the oppressors...and will cyclically continue until there is no people ruling over other people...Many will die, man may even destroy himself in the process, but one thing is sure, as storm is approaching."

Today when I meditate most deeply on the present moment I feel that same violent storm only now it is not so distant. Now I can see it on the horizon. I feel it's momentous electricity everywhere about me, rousing every atom in my being. And everything I read and see and sense only confirms this vision.

We are on the verge of massive change. Revolution is not only evident but desperately necessary. To say otherwise is to suspend reason in the face of a surplus of evidence. What is happening is beyond our reign of control. This is nature. And if you allow yourself to be aligned with nature you will become this revolution to rid the world of the oppressive agents that have subjugated life on this planet for far too long. We are one life on this planet and you are either for it or against it.

We are One. We are not seperate from nature, we are nature and the same forces governing the weather are woven through every man, woman, and child, through the grass and trees, the food that we eat, the water we drink.

This makes sense in connection with the devastating and dramatic events we are attributing to "climate change". The planet is getting hotter because the planet is angry (sounds like something you'd hear a shaman of native american tribe say to explain global warming). But it is true. Nature is very upset and is preparing to fight back. If life doesn't fight back it will cease to exist with the way things are going.

This electricity, this anger, all this pandemonium that we can see and feel in the world today - is the storm. It should not be feared no more than a summer thunderstorm. It is a force of nature. It is necessary for the renewal of life on this planet just as a rainstorm is necessary for renewal of vegetation after a drought.

Listen. Open your heart and mind to nature and join the revolution for Life. What each of us must do will become clear once we have made our allegiance and renounced our greed.

The Music that Colors my Life

I've added a sidebar with links to the right side of my blog (under Hillary). The links lead to the Myspace pages of artists that I've discovered recently and would like to share. I'll add more as I find them/they find me. Hope you enjoy. If you like them look them up on the HypeMachine to find more songs and MP3s for your continued listening pleasure.

mucho love,

joe

Empire State Building between Brooklyn smoke stacks

Taken with phone camera so terrible quality... but this is the view from Fort Greene park looking towards Manhattan. I like to walk to this one spot where when I look at the ESB it is between the smoke stacks. I don't know why I like to see it framed like that. It's almost as if the ESB represents a certain achievement in architecture and economic class... and then there's the smoke stacks which, to me at least, are working class, ugly architecture (though I can appreciate their presence), polluting, etc. I like seeing these two world come together and to see the smoke stacks eclipse the ESB in perceived hight and also on either side of it.

Maybe I can get a better photo when I have a job and money to buy a nice camera. Until then, this is what I'm sharing. I took this today in 20 degree weather. My face went numb. But I love going to the park. It's the best thing within a 5 minute walk - even on a frigid winter day. To see that and be amongst old and tall trees in an austere stillness is worth a numb face, fingers and toes.

America Sold Out

From the article
Foreigners Buy Stakes in the U.S. at a Record Pace

“The forces sucking in this capital are much bigger than the political forces,” said Mr. Garten, the Yale trade expert. “If there is a big controversy, it will be between Washington on the one hand and corporate America on the other. In that contest, the financiers and the businessmen are going to win, as they always do.”

What a statement! The businessmen will win, as they always do! And in contest to government! It's so true but crazy to read it this blatantly and of all places the New York Times. The people with the money are the ones calling the shots - not politicians (who act as the public face that says "I support people" but instead cater to money).

Also worthy of bringing to attention is the fact that the more removed the ownership from the assets (people/property/quality) the less concern there is for what actually happens at the local level. In other words, foreign investors only care about the money coming out of their investment (after all, it was money that brought them here to begin with) because that's all they ever really see from their corporate office abroad. They don't care if the people are healthy and safe, if the environment is preserved, or how their business affects the local economy and livelihood. All that matters is that it keeps making them a profit, and they'll cut corners where they have to so they can increase their profits and attract investors to their stock.

I think this is bad news for Americans. Businesses are selling out to save themselves in a short-sighted attempt at a quick fix for an economy now in recession.

Good Day G-Star

Went to the American corporate HQ for G-Star Raw tonight to pick out a G-Star outfit for the show. The HQ is like a private G-Star store with all the latest items, some of which haven't even made it to stores yet. It was cool to check out rooms and rooms of G-Star clothes, some being sent off to Italy and elsewhere for shoots for catalogs, ads and promotional material. I picked out a cool jacket, a pair of Raw denim, a shirt, and belt. Michelle, the G-Star team member who was assisting us placed my items in a bag and off I went. Oh, the denim is being tailored to fit me exactly and I'll have to pick it up next week. Not a bad perk for a job that lasts only a week. I'll try to get a photo of me in the whole ensemble. They said I looked like one of the G-Star guys... haha... hey G-Star, want to give me a modeling job?

Hands That Bleed

A minor bike accident lead to a bloody palm. I took the subway and met with Jeff, the PM (production manager) for the G-Star fashion show that I'll be working the first week in February, then got back on the subway, re-united with my bike and rode home, one gloved hand on the handlebars and the other at my back, naked, cold and raw. It's healing quickly.
{not the best photoshop skills on this one...}

After falling down the stairs and now the bike accident my body is pretty sore all over - which hasn't kept me in the best mood. I'm irritable and annoyed. But I'll spare you all the rant and just say one (long and drawn out) thing: conscientious living is key to living in harmony with others. I continually re-discover that being aware of other's needs and respecting the communal space we all inhabit isn't something most people can do. This disappoints me. I expect more from people because I give them that respect. This is fundamental to the human condition and our existence on this earth. It's about sharing and respecting what we share (places and things), taking care of these places and things, and making sure they endure for as long as we can sustain them so that we can continue to enjoy them and share them with future generations. This isn't happening with the majority of people and I blame our culture and social institutions for turning people against eachother and teaching them to only look out for their own interest.

If I could slap them all with a bloody hand... ;)

The day I defended my house from squirrels

To the left is a photo of my backyard. Usually I can look out my window and see blue jays, woodpeckers, and an assortment of interesting birds. It's nice to wake up and birdwatch. Then there's the squirrels. cute - at first. They somehow found a way to get in the ceiling above my room. Every now and then I would hear them scrambling around up there - but the past few days they've been bad. Barking, screeching, fighting, biting, scuffles and bangs. I lost sleep over this, partly because I felt guilty that I had trapped squirrels in the ceiling by covering a suspected hole in the roof (defunct chimney) and now I had to listen to their screams of a slow death.

The next morning I looked out the window and could see them running along branches in the trees and crawling in and out of a small hole under the gutter above me. I was super sore from falling down the stairs the night before (a whole different story) but decided that I had enough of these squirrels. I climbed onto the roof, scared them out of the ceiling with a rusty rake and devised a plan to stuff the hole so they couldn't get back in. A cambell's soup can fit snugly as I hung half my body off the top of the house to reach the hole. Danger is nothing in the face of desperation. We had called the landlord and she was working on getting a trapper or exterminator but I just couldn't wait any longer. It had to end that morning. For good.

It's been a few days and I haven't heard a thing. There are less squirrels and more birds now. Peace has been restored to the backyard. The exterminators are still coming - just to be on the safe side. It feels so gratifying to solve your own problems, especially when previously perceived to be out of your hands. I figure this story isn't that exciting if you weren't here to witness - but I feel like it's one of my major accomplishments since I've moved here.

Squirrels beware.

The Infinite Distraction

You gotta love New York when it comes to taking your mind off of, well, anything. The bright lights, the buzz, the scene, the look - whatever you want it's here, even if you didn't know you wanted it. And even if you don't want anything, well there's plenty on display to keep you guessing. Work hard, play hard. At the end of the day the working New Yorker doesn't want to deal with anything real - no more stress, no more tackling the deep questions of life - that's what we do during the day. Come night or come time off, we're out and about clouding our vision with anything: entertainment, drinks, sex, amazing food, gossip, bright lights and the buzz of it all.

This lifestyle is such a contrast from life in New Mexico. There the opportunity for distraction is far removed. In some ways you're almost forced to focus on yourself, on the deeper and bigger issues in life and in the world. There isn't much to take your mind off of the more complicated and trying times we experience when we're all alone at the end of a day, left with whatever it is that consumes our thoughts. It's no wonder the land of enchantment is such a draw for the soul seekers - it's like rehab for the culturally saturated. The mind is free. Which is such a virtue for some and for others it's torture. Not everyone wants to face themselves. And who's to say it's a good thing that they do? Even New Mexican's find ways to distract themselves from the self/the world (because they really are one thing). Hello catholicism and the city life (ABQ/SF).

Though I will say that New Mexico offers a viable alternative - the landscape. Where New York.... eh, it's landscape is a collage of anything and everything. There's definitely no solace in its contemplation - just perplexity and complexity, and a distraction from whatever it is you were thinking of in the first place.

As they say in Brooklyn, fuggetaboutit!

New York Cares

New York is... narcissistic. So much so that other people seem to exist solely for the benefit of one's self - as an audience, as consumers, as objects of affection, desire, fame and fortune. In the end, it's all about you, baby - oh wait, I mean me. It's all about me.

"I want to wake up in the city that never sleeps
To find I'm king of the hill, top of the heap"

I've questioned how so many people living so closely with one another can look past the existence of others so easily, sitting on the subway, walking along crowded sidewalks, huddled in small eateries and squeezing through narrow aisles in the grocery store. But I think I'm starting to realize that here it's not about the other, it's about "me". As long as I'm doing fine, that's all that matters.

Because of this extreme individualism and narcissism the potential for human connection and relation is tenuous. I doubt that many people see themselves connected to something larger. It's a compartmentalized world. Objects floating in space with no relationship except that we're all floating here together. Actually, we're not in it together, we're in it for ourselves. Everything outside us is separate. There isn't a sense of holistic community, of all people sharing some common heart - the same struggle, if it is only that we all struggle in some way, suffer in some way. But to New York, these are weaknesses. If you're suffering it's your problem - not mine. I guess I feel like people just don't care as deeply for other people here. Everyone is so detached and into themselves. It makes sense though when you think of the type of people New York produces - cut-throat individuals who made themselves successful by trying to be the best over all the rest.

Burlesque Boob-drop New Years

To end 2007 and begin 2008 I went with Maya and some of her friends to Murray Hill's (a notorious Drag King) burlesque show at the Zipper Factory. It was campy, kitschy, and overall pretty wonderful. Here is a photo of burlesque performer Dirty Martini and another of Bob, doing the Boob-Drop at midnight.



Afterwards we all raided the stage and danced with the performers and made a big mess of the place. New Year's Resolution: keep doing weird shit like this!

South Street SeaHell

Today I biked across the Manhattan Bridge for the first time to return a gift my mother had bought me for christmas. The gift was a digital keychain photo album from The Sharper Image. I have no use for such a gadget and it would have sat unused in a drawer somewhere, so why not see what I could get in an exchange. There isn't a Sharper Image in Brooklyn (thankfully so) which is why I chose to bike into Manhattan to the South Street SeaPort location to make the exchange (Sea Port is closest and has most accessible bike paths).

Now, I had never been to the Sea Port and all I had heard was that it was transformed into a tourist attraction. Okay.

The bike paths are easy to find, the view from the bridge is nice while crossing the East River, and there's a cool skate park under the Manhattan side of the bridge.

South Street Seaport is basically a mall implanted, like silicon breasts, into a historic district of an otherwise bleak part the city. Nestled amongst towering international style architecture of corporate offices is a cobblestone corridor lined with historic shop facades, a light house, brick, and every corporate chain store that you'd find in ANY mall in ANY mid-sized city in the US. And of course, there they are, all the tourists from across the country and beyond, toting bags from the likes of Abercrombie & Fitch, Bath & Body Works, Ann Taylor, and Sharper Image, all with googling eyes that say, "This is New York," "This is America," "This is History," "I'm really living it now," "Wow. All this in one place... what a place..." Posing for pictures that would be happy to end up on a Sharper Image digital keychain photo album.

And I thought the World Trade Center site was a big hole...

What a waste of history, of life, of beauty. And this is the direction New York and the rest of the world are heading. These places that were once forgotten, starved, and decayed are being raped like one of Baudelaire's dead whores, but now dressed in pretty garments and painted with a seductive face, poised as a marionette to arouse our fancy that we may take from this stale bounty and succeed this desire and need to feel connected and alive. So we buy and for a moment while staring off at the Brooklyn Bridge from the pier into the fading light of another busy day we are overcome with a sense of accomplishment, of wonder and power.

I biked back to Brooklyn, relieved as I found I have been upon returning to a city different from that which is buzzing and bloodless across the river.

For all the life we bring when we come into Manhattan, we certainly leave with less.

Here is Blog

I'm starting this blog so that all my friends and family can stay in touch while I'm living in New York. I plan on posting entries about my experiences, thoughts, and reactions to my life here. Photos will also be added. Enjoy