It's not so easy to <||up and leave||>
I wanted to get out of this hostile place
go to Portland, Oregon
live close to forests and mountains
breathe fresh air
but as I try to lift my legs west I find them ~||rooted|\~ in Brooklyn
ties not easily broken
I feel like a seed that blew into the city from a far away place
caught in some crack in the concrete
and with time sprouted
reached for the sun and grew tall
trying to escape the fissure I fell into
unaware that as I branched upwards and outwards I extended down and through
below the surface of this desolate circus
now unable to move
<<<‡>>>
but the summer sun is so good to me
and I sway in the salty atlantic breezes
just another weed in this jun≈g|l|/|≈|≈/≈|e
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NEW YORK, YOU CRY IN MY SLEEP
FYI: This blog is not searchable by web browsers and, although public, cannot be discovered unless given the link or happened upon at random.
The purpose of this blog is to allow me a space to express my experiences of life in New York City and communicate them to family and friends who are not here to share this journey with me.
Writing is a way for me to process my thoughts and emotions - to get out that which pains me to hold in. I live day to day and even though this blog gives my words some permanence, they are also marked with a date that will expire as I continue to live. Therefore, this is more like a record tracking the evolution of my life's journey while swirling about in this huge urban cloud. If for some reason you don't like how the world looks through my eyes, stop reading. This blog is for the open mind.
The purpose of this blog is to allow me a space to express my experiences of life in New York City and communicate them to family and friends who are not here to share this journey with me.
Writing is a way for me to process my thoughts and emotions - to get out that which pains me to hold in. I live day to day and even though this blog gives my words some permanence, they are also marked with a date that will expire as I continue to live. Therefore, this is more like a record tracking the evolution of my life's journey while swirling about in this huge urban cloud. If for some reason you don't like how the world looks through my eyes, stop reading. This blog is for the open mind.
4 comments:
There are various ways plants can be uprooted. A gardener may come by and because of his skill and understanding of plants, he will see that you are in need of more light and fresh air and space for your roots to spread so that you may grow larger, your stem stronger, your roots more beautiful. Perhaps this gardener will take you to Portland where you can grow free, and can live in the forest which often brings to eyes the visualization of connection.
Or perhaps you will be uprooted impatiently by a child, shocked and damaged.. but still at least you'd be free. And the winds which you believe in will carry you away to a new place you never expected.
All I know is that abusive relationships become more destructive with time.
I think you must ask yourself if these roots you have developed are necessary. Do they provide you with the nourishment and sustenance you require or have you tapped into sweet tasting herbicide which will poison you and drain you leaving you a dry wilted form of what you could have been?
Like sister said there are many ways to be uprooted and although it may be slightly painful at first, new roots will grow and sometimes it's for the best. Then again sometimes it's not and you end up in a worse environment then you were trying to escape. It's impossible to know for sure, there is chance in everything but sometimes it's healthy to cut your ties throw yourself into the wind and see where you end up.
It's definitely healthy to never become so deeply rooted and attached that you can't move if you need too. Flexibility and adaptability are necessary in a world where nothing is constant. Weigh your options and test the waters and seek counsel from those you know. I can tell you that here in the NW I have found fertile ground where I can flourish and grow with the forest which surrounds me. There exists a small space here which we maintain, should you need to use in a trial excursion or assistance in a full transition, just let me know.
a family of gardeners... I love it!
I think in some ways I've adapted to New York City - to this urban life; perhaps, in more ways than I was aware of, but am only now starting to realize. In a lot of way, the negative things I've experienced here have obscured the positive, but those dark clouds are beginning to recede and I can finally see that I do have roots here - roots that bring nourishment to my life. I've met some amazing people who have become good friends, I work for a decent non-profit and I enjoy the work I do, and my connection to food here is perhaps the strongest it's ever been (with being a member of the coop and frequenting farmers markets). I think I see potential for more positive than negative if I stick it out another year here. Yeah, it's still a rough city, a toxic and hazardous environment, but it's also temporary and full of opportunity to experience and witness the crash of western civilization from the epicenter - there's beauty in that! And much to be learned! I remembered why I came out here to begin with - which is to soak it all up while I'm still young and experience life. Learn from experience. There's more to be learned here, much more.
~you're a native new yorker!
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